Contraband Of course you can Of course you may Come fly with us Buy a ticket Buy two seats You can trust us You and your cats The threesome The trio The troika The trinity We know you well We remember your December flight Frankfurt to Moscow December 31, 2016 A man Two cats Two seats Lufthansa booking code: 5EVO4N Lufthansa booking code: 8H95SA No problem No worries Let’s do it again Why not? September 29 Flight 1423 to Frankfurt Confirmed Two seats Two cats One man K9BNZP — BW8T9D Flight 422 to Detroit Confirmed Two seats Two cats One man September 29 KASKUL — BWTN1L No problem No worries Let’s do it again Why not? Of course you could Of course you may Come fly with us Buy a ticket Buy two Come to the airport And . . . MAYBE we will fly you But MAYBE we will change our mind MAYBE we will invent a new rule MAYBE we will block you Ban you Keep you standing there 150 minutes Not let you board Citing a policy that does not exist Strand you in Romania Turn you away Treat you like contraband Break our word Break the contract Break our promise Ignore the consequences Turn a blind eye And fly away Leaving you and your cats In the lurch You are contraband You and your cats You are illicit, prohibited, banned, proscribed, forbidden And a danger to the airplane and passengers So take a train Take a bus Walk to Denver For all we care We wash our hands of you And pretend this never happened. We will stonewall And ignore your emails Your distress Your suffering And do nothing to help you get home Let United fly you and your cats Home from Munich No problem No worries No security risk No danger to the other passengers You are contraband You and your cats You are illicit, prohibited, banned, proscribed, forbidden And a danger to the airplane and our passengers ------------- Background for this poem -------- Even though Lufthansa approved two seats and two cats on our flight home, when we got to the airport the people at the desk would not let us fly. They claimed there is a policy of one animal per person. If you go to their website it does not say that. And I had emails proving that everything had been accepted. This did me no good. So we had to take trains through Budapest to Munich and fly home on United Airlines arriving on October 3 rather than September 29. I am very angry that Lufthansa did this to us and so many of their people stated a policy that does not exist. Imagine me carrying 6 bags and two cats through 3 railroad stations without baggage carts or porters. Here is the policy: "Small dogs and cats A dog or cat may be transported in the cabin in your own carrier box (maximum dimensions: 55 x 40 x 23 cm, watertight, bite proof). Maximum weight of animal + box: 8 kg. Only cats and dogs may be transported in the cabin; you cannot take other animals with you on board." Where does it say "One animal per person?" Not anywhere! And they approved two cats when I called them on August 30. Also, in December of 2016, they allowed me to fly with two seats and two cats from Frankfurt to Moscow. Crazy! In December of 2016, we flew from Denver to Moscow with one person, two seats and two kitties. Lufthansa flew us from Frankfurt to Moscow without complaint.
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© Jamie McKenzie, all rights reserved.
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